歌詞: Five Iron Frenzy. Upbeats And Beatdowns. Beautiful America.

The man on the television said I need to drink this,
and sleep with that, in order to be cool.
And you know that I would do almost anything, to be like that guy on TV. I know that if I had just the right outfit and a hairstyle that could be me. Don't you know you can't be cool if you dress dumb,
I need to have that 'cause everybody's got one.
I think I'll start smoking, that would make me intellectual,
that's what I've always wanted to be.
I need to lift weights, that would make me more sexual,
and that would be good for me.
In America it's wonderful, all you have to do is fake it.
Own anything you want, all you have to do is take it.
Live for today, don't think about tomorrow,

have a good time in America-Gomorrah.
What are you looking at, you better not make me mad.
I'll drive by your house and shoot your dog, and mom, and dad.
I don't need you or the Bible or anything to tell me what is the law.
With a good enough lawyer I can do anything in Beautiful America.
I want to be in America,
Okay for me in America, everything's free in America,
for a small fee in America.