歌詞: Stephen Lynch. The Craig Machine. Craig.

Everyone knows Jesus
The guy who healed the lame.
Well I am Jesus's brother
Craig is my name.
Jesus is the Prince of Peace.
Jesus is the Lamb.
Jesus is the Son of God
But Craig don't give a damn.

Because when Craig's in sight
We'll party all damn night.
I don't turn water into wine
But into cold Coors Light.
I'm not my brother, I know,
Don't walk on H2O,
But I got hydroponic shit that me and Judas grow.

I'm fuckin' Craig
I'm fuckin' Craig
Yeah I'm fuckin' Craig
Craig Christ

I hang out with Lepers,
Barabas and Salome.
Jesus's friends are called Apostles.
Those dudes are totally gay.
Jesus performs miracles
From Galilee to Rome.
But it would be a miracle
If he brought a fuckin lady home.

Because when Jesus is prayin'
Fuckin Craig is layin'
Every lady in the Testament
You know what im sayin?

I won't die for your sins
Like my famous kin.
But if you have a little sister
Then theres room at this inn.

I'm fuckin' Craig.
Yeah I'm fuckin' Craig.
Fuckin Craig.
Craig Christ.

Jesus was our mothers fav.
All her love to him she gave.
But there's no sibling rivalry
When he's nailed to that tree.
Yeah

And now the question for you
Is not "What Would Jesus Do?"
But where will you be
When the Craig Machine comes partyin' through?
And if the Lord will allow
You've got to ask yourself how,
and who and why and when and where is your messiah now?

It's fuckin' Craig.
It's Fuckin Craig.
Fuckin' Craig.
Fuckin' Craig.
Craig Christ.
Craig Christ.
Craig Christ.
I'm fuckin' Craig.